So, When Does This Get Easier?

I keep waiting for this journey to make sense. To be easier. To 'click'.  In all honesty, I'm meeting great people, enjoying a world-class city, and I marvel each day at the natural beauty I'm surrounded by... but, it just doesn't feel like home yet. I think I know why.

There are many reasons to take these self-discovery adventures when you're young, but I have one to add to the list: You have very little understanding of how important it really is. You're told of it's importance by those older than you, but until you've lived the alternative you can't really understand it's significance. The problem with taking this journey later, is that you do. Painfully so. If I allow myself to think about it, I find it almost paralyzing. I've become hyper-aware of every decision I make, action I take, and activity I choose to focus my time on. 

What if I look back in five years and think I should've done something else with this period of my life? Am I wasting my time on activity X, when I should be enjoying activity Y? I'm worried I'll turn into that guy from Indiana Jones...

The part of my brain that was programmed in childhood to plan for the future is still struggling with my current situation. I can distract it with activities during the day, but each night when I fall asleep I do so with worry.  Ironic, huh? I left work to be less stressed...